That Boy Just Ain't Right

Death, back from the dead.

2005-04-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know..I suck.

So lately I have been giving alot of thought to making biodiesel for the Bunny. Not so much from a save-the- earth standpoint (though that is a bonus), but more from a diesel-is-$2.69/gallon-and-not-getting-any-better standpoint, or maybe a tired-of-paying-the-mideast-for-oil standpoint. Plus this combines my penchant for tinkering with a science experiment of sorts.

Extra bonus: The bunny rolls down the road smelling like french fries.

I'm gathering the needed parts right now. I'll let you know how it goes. If you get a sudden urge for McDonald's it might just be me driving by.

Busier than a...

2005-03-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

So sorry not to update, but I really have been busy. I managed to score not 1 but 2 side gigs and I seem to have no free time anymore. I'm becoming a dull boy. The first side gig is with the same company I work for now, doing testing on system enhancements and products. The second one is doing tech support type stuff for a property management group, and they are paying me such a ridiculous amount of money I can't say no.

Ah well, hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the fruits of all this labor come summertime.

Bunny Parts

2005-02-20T21:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, no more pictures of Bunny parts.

At least for now.

I've said in the past that I had really become tired of driving my little 25 year old slug of a car around. It's very slow, has ZERO creature comforts (you even have to adjust the heater temp by lifting the hood), and to most its looks are laughable.

I've changed my mind. This car is going to go forever, and I'm going to help it.

A few weeks ago I fell into the Vortex.

There I found a group of people that actually covet these little Rabbits, collecting and restoring them. The diesels aren't looked down on, either! I went there initially to get some tips and tricks for some rather involved maintenance I had to do, and ended up inspired to make my little yellow Bunny into a restoration project. I had initially planned to restore a first generation Chevy Blazer, but that could easliy run $15-20,000 and above. Rabbits are cheap. Mine still has all the original bits so that makes things even easier.

I will probably end up with a fleet of these things and will modernize them all except the the yellow one I have now. It is sort of special to me and others in my family. It originally belonged to a very dear uncle of mine who has passed away. I'm the second owner. As of this writing the car has about 530,000 miles. I'm going to make this one just like it was when Uncle Russ picked it up new ( from the Port of Vancouver no less, never saw a dealership) back in 1979. I've already begun the quest for the parts I will be needing, and am learning that the search for these oddball pieces is almost as fun as the actual work of restoring a vehicle.

So laugh if you must, but I like my little Bunny. It's paid for, super cheap to feed, and I know how to work on it so repair bills will never be an issue. So there.

Drawing Doodie Duty

2005-01-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm house sitting for my sister and brother-in-law while they vacation in Palm Desert. Normally, this would pretty much mean watering plants and collecting mail and LEAVING. My sister has pets, specifically 2 mini Schnauzers, a saltwater fish tank, and a turtle. This means I have had to stay there. Oh yeah, one of the mini-dogs is a super mini as it is only 8 weeks old and barely weened from momma. She is very cute, but has no poop control yet, so I know I can look forward to a little present when I arrive in the evening.

I Hate doodie duty.

I have an entire essay in my head on why cats are better pets than dogs which I will save for another time, but this is one of the reasons right here... I never had to train my cat to go in the litter box, and he never has "accidents".

BTW- if you have a puppy and are thinking of using those little "training pads" that supposedly smell like grass, spend your money on cleaning supplies instead. All this little ball of fur does to them is chew them up into little tiny pieces.

A conundrum

2005-01-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

So I have been named "Associate of the Month" here at work (emphasis on Ass), which means front of building parking spot for a while, picture on the wall, and maybe a little cashola as a bonus. That must mean I'm doing something right...

And that Just Ain't Right.

Was Girded, Now Frozen

2005-01-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

Holy SHIT it is cold out there!!!

Even with girding, there are parts that may not be back out until spring.

Its like an itch I can't scratch

2004-12-21T11:14:00.000-08:00

and it is driving me INSANE.

I have only ridden my motorcycle ONCE in the last TWO MONTHS. Ever since I bought it I have ridden through all types of weather with a Death May Care attitude, but for some reason I have been totally wimping out this year. I tried rolling down all the windows in the car and shutting off the windshield wipers but it JUST IS NOT THE SAME. I am finding myself becoming quite surly (for me anyway) and very tense between the shoulders.

Maybe I better gird up (gird? what the hell IS that, anyway) the ol' loins and put on some leather before I kill someone.

You Should Give Us Good Presents

2004-12-02T23:17:00.000-08:00

This is to you, the younger siblings of the world, from us, the eldest siblings.

We deserve good gifts.

You may not want to acknowledge this, you may not even realize it, but without us your life would have been soooooo much more difficult as you grew up.

In the world of parenting, we are the ones our parents practiced on so they would get it right by the time they got you. With us, anytime something happened in our young lives the typical response from our parents was "Shit! What do we do?? What does Dr. Spock say?". If the answer wasn't in Dr. Spock's book and the grandparents weren't around, then they had to wing it. We are the world's experimental children.

We were the first to lie, the first to say no, the first to go to the principal's office, the first to swear in front of them, the first to stay out past curfew, the first to come home tipsy (ok, hammered), and the first to dent the car. We broke (and in some cases shattered) all the barriers so that when it came time for your pathetic attempts at rebellion you didn't get punished nearly as hard.

Yes, they took more pictures of us than they did of you. Ultimately all that means is that there are more embarrassing pictures of us floating around out there, waiting to bite us on the butt.

Yeah, yeah, we picked on you too.. Get over it. That is what we were supposed to do! We also made sure that we were the only ones that got to to that. If someone at school tried that same shit on you we took care of them.

You got hand-me-downs. Now imagine all the dorky crap Mom tried to get for you being all you had to choose from.

Now think about this: If it hadn't been for us, you would BE US!

editor's note- this was to be much longer, but I have been asked to stop being sofa king stupid and update my damn blog. So here you go. (Craftsman tools are always appreciated for gifts, even if K Mart sells them now)

and thanks to Denise for the inspiration for this little tirade!

Repete, s'il Vous Plait

2004-11-20T22:55:00.000-08:00

Repeat after me:

I am

Sofa King,

Stupid.

Now say it five times fast...

No, Really.. Quit Complaining About Your Job!

2004-11-19T13:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, yes...it has been a very slow week.

Quit Complaining About Your Job

2004-11-11T11:28:00.000-08:00

You could be one of these guys...

Deschutes Redux Part II- The Oasis

2004-11-08T17:47:00.000-08:00

The Oasis is a Maupin fixture. It's been there for many decades, and consists of a restaurant and "Resort". It has been a long standing tradition for those of us that break camp down to stop at The Oasis on the way out for a burger and a milkshake (real ice cream, any flavor you want, served with a spoon instead of a straw). Good stuff, and the people working there are very nice.

I had never been there on the way in before, so it already felt wrong. We asked inside the restaurant if there was anyone that could give Sam a ride down the access road to Macks Canyon so that he could leave a note for Bob letting him know where we were and to come-a-runnin'. Turns out that the owner of The Oasis has a Jeep CJ that he uses for just that purpose! Cost to taxi Sam to and from Macks Canyon: $50 (this is where the tally begins). I used to think this was an exorbitant amount to charge for a lift, but not anymore. It takes an hour to go the 17 miles to Macks Canyon, so that's 2 hours plus gas and wear on the vehicle. Not bad for that road. My job was to unload the van and detach the boat, then relax in the luxury suite at The Oasis.

The deluxe suite is identical to the other rooms, a dozen or so cabins lined up the hill behind the restaurant. There are two very springy, very noisy double beds in the one room cabin. There is no T.V., but if you like you can listen to the one station that comes in on the clock/radio. The closet has been split into two sections in order to give you indoor plumbing. No, I'm not kidding. The bathroom is so small that you cannot use it if the door is open. Picture something similar to what you might find in an RV, or cut an airplane bathroom in half. These luxury accommodations will run you $50 per night, and is pretty much the only gig in town.

Remember the part where I was NOT going to be sleeping if I had to share sleeping quarters with my dad? Well, that applies here too. I have an old saying to go along with this: "Whoever gets to sleep first, gets to sleep." Sammy also has this uncanny ability to be asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, which means he wins. Every freakin' time. Without fail.

As luck would have it, when Sam went to leave the note for Bob, Bob had been wondering where the hell we were and come up to the boat ramp from camp to investigate just as Sam pulled up. Sam goes to camp with Bob, George gives truck keys to Sam, Bob runs Sam back to the ramp, Sam comes back to town in George's truck, which can tow the boat and the gear back down to the ramp!

The next morning, a well rested Sam and a very sleep-deprived Me, arrange to get the van towed to The Dalles. Sam takes the boat, the gear, and my tired ass back down to the ramp, then has to head right back up because he has to accompany the van to The Dalles. For those keeping track, by the time Sam gets back from The Dalles, that's 3 full trips on the access road, or 102 miles at a maximum of 20 mph, all in a 2 day span. Ouch.

The van has to stay in The Dalles because it ends up needing a brand new engine. Total including labor comes to approximately $4,500. Starting to get pricey for a one week fishing trip, eh?

Insult, meet Injury:

Three days later, Sam heads out in the boat to go pick David up at the boat ramp. On the way back, he hits a rock while running a set of rapids and breaks the bottom pump cover on the engine, rendering it powerless, which is not a good thing to be when running over rocks on this river. Then he damn near breaks his hip when he jumps in the water to try and keep his boat from hitting too many more rocks. Luckily, Bob carries a spare of this part in his boat and lends it to Sam, which gets him through rest of the week without further mishap. According to Bob, you don't need a jet boat if you aren't going to run over rocks, but you'd best carry some key spare parts. Cost to replace the part once the trip is over, $700.

The fishing was great.

Once I became single again, I was able to cancel my subscription

2004-11-03T17:52:00.000-08:00

Death Poses for a Photo Op

2004-11-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Death

The robe and the sword have been put away for the season.

Death prefers to wear leather..

We interrupt again to bring you one of my favorite retail websites...

2004-11-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Click the post title, be sure to check out all of the poster selections, and the Bittersweets as an added bonus!

We interrupt your normally scheduled program in order to inform you that Death Kicks Ass

2004-11-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

Death had a good weekend, taking 1st place for best costume at the office, and second place for best costume at Denise and Lynn's party on Saturday!

Death also scared the crap out of a few children, which he felt bad about, but is over it now because he is Death and Death doesn't dwell.

Death was also asked to pick a fight with a zombie, which made him wonder if he could actually kill the Undead. After asking around, the consensus seems to be that Death would kick the Undead's ass. This would be particularly true of zombies, as the are slow and stupid, though incredibly strong.

Pictures of Death to follow.

Deschutes Trip Redux, or Most Expensive Vacation EVER

2004-10-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

This is the sound coming from the engine compartment of the van. Quiet, unobtrusive. Might be a little low on oil. We'll check it once we get over to Maupin, before we head down the 17 miles of Hell known as the Deschutes River access road.

It's about 2:30 in the afternoon on Friday. The van is fully loaded, as is the boat that the van is towing. Sammy and I are in charge of the bulk of the food for the trip. Remember the entry about the concrete ice cooler? Yep, it's in the boat, full of block ice. We are just outside Sandy. Usual father/son banter has been going on, as well as a little bitching about traffic and plans for the upcoming week.

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

The sound coming from the engine is definitely a bit louder. Probably due to the load and the fact that we are now going uphill. Haven't quite reached Government Camp yet. Radio still coming in ok so we haven't switched over to the CD's yet.

TICK TICK TICK CLACK TICK CLACK TICK CLACK CLACK CLANK

Okay...now that's fucked up, right there.. Past Government Camp now, heading up towards the summit. The van will not go faster than 25 mph. Tim is worried, starts a diagnosis as to what might be the problem with the engine. Tim thinks the engine is toast but hesitates to vocalize this to Sam. Sam is utterly silent.

Tim: "It sounds pretty bad, Dad.. But I think if it were really bad, like a thrown rod or something, it wouldn't even be running.."

Sam: "Yeah."

Sam: "We'll stop at that Pine Grove/Pine Hollow/Oak Hollow/Whatever the Hell that town is called where the road flattens out. See if there's a mechanic there."

Tim: "Okay."

Sam: "Shit."

We stop in Pine Grove at the store (the only one) and ask if there is a mechanic in town. The van is still running because we are afraid to shut it off. There are no mechanics in Pine Grove.

Sam: "Maybe we should head back to Government Camp and call somebody."

Tim: "Yeah...But that means we have to drive back up that mountain we just came over, and I don't think that's gonna happen."

Sam: "Shit. GawdDAMMIT! Ok, Maupin or bust it is!"

CLANK CLANK CLANK CLUNK CLANK CLANK CLANK

The sounds coming from the engine aren't just loud anymore, they are hammer-on-anvil-in-empty-warehouse loud. The inside of the van is completely quiet. No radio, no CD's, no talking of any kind. Tim thinks we may be spending the night in the van. Tim knows that Sam snores loud enough to wake himself up. Tim does not think he will be sleeping tonight.

Miraculously, we make it to Maupin. At 5:00 p.m. on a Friday. We stop at the first garage we come to, which is closed. Thankfully, the owner is still there and agrees to take a listen. Sam starts the van for him.

Old Garage Guy: "Jesus-Fuckin'-CHRIST SHUT THAT THING DOWN!!!"

Old Garage guy: " You came from Portland?"

Tim: "Well, Canby..Yeah. We stopped at Hollow Pine Oak but there weren't any mechanics there."

Old Garage Guy: "Un-Fuckin'-believable. Thrown a rod for sure. You fellas are damn lucky to have made it here. I can take you over to the Oasis, but that thing is gonna have to go to The Dalles. I can't fix it here."

Next, Redux Part II, The Oasis...

Everywhere there's signs

2004-10-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

Note to Canbyites-

"They" have extended the 45 mph zone north of town from just past Fred Meyer to the top of the hill.. The signs went up last Thursday or Friday I think.

Expect speed traps in the near future!

I am sooo gonna get a ticket...

Playing Dress-Up

2004-10-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

Well now... It would appear that I'll be attending my first bona-fide, costume required Halloween party in quite some time! My normal routine for this particular day is to shut the porch light off and pretend I'm not home, so this will be quite a change..

Now I won't give away what I'll be, but I only had to get a couple of accessories to complete the look. Most of this ensemble is stuff I wear fairly regularly anyway.

Scary, huh?

And yes, it is a real costume! I'm not going as "Tim", or "Biker Dude", or some lame assed not-really-dressing-up costume..

That wrinkle wasn't there yesterday...

2004-10-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

Okay. So last night I had to take some movies back to the movie place. They have this deal going right now where you pay like $10.00 a month and you can get all the movies you want. My dad thought this was a decent deal so he signed up. Since we are sharing living space at the moment I opted not to.

Now before I get to the rest of this little story I have to share this. My dad is without a doubt the worst movie picker-outer in the world. He has no clue as to what got good reviews in the theater, or if the movie he's picked was ever even IN a theater. He picks rentals by the cover. If he likes the cover, he rents it. That is always his excuse, "It had a good cover". He also is prone to renting the same movie twice (or more) because he looks at the cover, not the title. This is why I found my self in the following situation...

Since he has unlimited rental privileges, I have been using his account to rent the movies lately. Usually I just have to give them the phone number and say my name is Sam. Last night, the kid at the counter wanted either the rental card or a phone number and picture ID. I gave him the number and then fell silent.

Movie Store Kid: "Do you have a picture ID I can see?"

Me: "No."

Movie Store Kid: "Uhhhhh.... can I have your date of birth then?"

Me: "6/1/1943"

Movie Store Kid: "Okay! These will be due back on Sunday by midnight."

He didn't even blink.

Now I know I've had a year or two of hard livin', but I'm pretty sure I don't look 61...Why I bet I don't look a day over 53!

One for the Road

2004-10-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Saturday I joined some friends at the White Eagle and saw The Rascos play. It was a good band, playing pretty much all 50's and 60' Rock-N-Roll. Gotta love a piano player that reminds you of Jerry Lee Lewis!

The only thing that stunk was riding home at 1:30 in the morning in the rain.

I discovered another cool side effect of sobriety: I don't know if this is true of most bars or just McMenamins, but since I was drinking diet cola all night the bartenders assumed I was the designated driver, and they were FREE!

Why yes, I believe I will have another, thank you..

There's no place like Home

2004-10-13T17:20:00.000-07:00

A traditional saying amongst The Core once the trip starts is "It's good to be back home". This is always said right when we get over there, not when we come back.

As I said before, we've been making this trip for a long time. Camp has evolved over the years, due in part to innovation, and partly due to Bob's virtually unlimited resources. Did I mention he's a bazillionairre? Technically we are indeed camping. We do sleep in tents, all the food is kept in coolers, and your daily consitutional will be done outdoors. Beyond that, however, it can hardly be called roughing it. It takes no less than four full boatloads to get camp down to camp. Now that I think about it, it might be more of a compound...

Every year we bring up some 2x6 boards to make a table for the cooking area. I'm not sure why we do this as the table tops from years past always seem to stay where we leave them. Anyway, once set up, the "kitchen" has 3 tables making a U shape. One of the first things Bob bought was a proper grill for cooking large quantities of food. He had a restaurant grill converted to run on propane, and it has worked flawlessly for 20 years now. It even has a pilot light so you don't have to relight it every time you want to use it. The cooking is a group affair, and no expense is spared on the cuisine. We never eat breakfast before 10:30, and it pretty much always consists of bacon, sausage, eggs, and hotcakes. Lunch is usually not necessary. For this years dinner menu we had:

Steak night (filets, with melted feta cheese)
Prawn night (with mushrooms, sauteed in butter and garlic)
Spaghetti night (yes, the sauce was made not just heated)
Smoked pork chop night (If you've never had one, go to Voget's in Hubbard and get some)
Lobster night (barbequeued, mmmmm)

All fried taters are "blessed" by me with a healthy dose of Tabasco. Garlic bread is made also, with real butter and sliced garlic. Salad, new to the menu this year, was a welcome addition.

BTW- all these foods, when taken to this particular camp site, magically become fat and cholesterol free! Have as much as you like..

When we first started going on this trip it was a 3 day event, so bathing was not much of an issue. As the stay became longer, the need to get the grunge off became overwhelming (especially considering the amount of garlic used in the food). We first tried those 5 gallon shower bags that you set in the sun to heat up. Worked okay, but man what a pain to use. Bob has since devised the system we use now. A hose with a filter on it goes into the river. This is connected to an electric pump that runs off of a car battery. The water is pumped through a propane powered water heater, then goes up the line to a real showerhead that is hung up in a tree. When you turn the shower on, it goes from 0 to "damn that's hot!" in about 2 seconds. It's amazing the difference a little soap and hot water makes..

Jealous yet? Wanna go next year?

Oh yeah, the fishing is awesome too.

Fairly Honest Sam

2004-10-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

He's had this nickname since I was a small child. My dad, the salesman. He even had a t-shirt made with that name once. He has had many nicknames over the years. After the second time he fell off the roof we started calling him Captain Gravity, and gave him a hat and one of those inflatable pool-rings to strap to his ass. Has also proclaimed to be BUFF, actually an acronym for Big Ugly Fat Fucker. Most recently, after helping me paint the interior of my old apartment, I have taken to calling him Drippy the Trim Boy.

As I stated in the last post, he's the Idea Guy. Always coming up with "new and improved" even if the everything is going along just fine.

One area of constant concern when you camp in the desert is water, both the liquid and frozen kinds. Sammy excels in hatching new schemes to provide both. His first idea, years ago, was to use dry ice in the coolers. Dry ice is really really cold, and it kept the food really cold too. Unfortunately, though it is really really cold, it doesn't stay that way for very long. Plus when it heats up it just evaporates, leaving nothing in the cooler but rapidly warming food. Plus dry ice costs, well, like a gazillion times more than the kind made from water.

His next idea was to build a bigger better cooler. "Those ones you buy only have maybe a quarter inch of Styrofoam in 'em", he says. So off he goes, buying sheets of 2" thick Styrofoam sheets. After gluing the pieces into a box-like shape, he applies a few coats of a product he used to sell called Miracote. This is basically concrete that can be applied in thin layers, good for coating driveways, sidewalks, etc. Sammy really likes this stuff. What we end up with is a four foot long concrete box that actually works very well. Kept the block ice solid for a whole week no problem. Except for the handles. It doesn't have any. And its heavy. If full, it cannot be lifted by two people. We only ended up using it once. Had to take everything out of it to move the box onto the boat, put everything back in, then take it all out again to move the box from the boat to camp.

This year his idea ended up working very well. The though was that since we have to take bottled water and we need ice, why not just freeze all the bottled water? So he did. And it worked! The plastic bottles seem to insulate the ice in the bottles very well, and we had ice all week long. They actually worked too well. You could take a bottled ice thingy out of the cooler in the morning, let it sit in the sun all day, and it would still mostly be ice well into the afternoon.

Next year Drippy plans on fine tuning this method using gallon sized jugs and keeping the drinking stuff separate. We'll let you know.

John the Baptist and his brother, Cecil

2004-10-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my yearly vacation to the Deschutes river. We have a core group that has been going on this trip annually for about twenty years now. Sometimes we catch alot of fish, sometimes not. Sometimes the weather is perfect (like this year), usually the wind blows really hard in the afternoon (not this year though), and sometimes it rains. The one thing that never changes, though, is the entertainment provided by The Core.

Now there are always others that show up and stay a couple days or so, lots that say they are going and then don't show, but The Core is always there to set up camp and to take it down at the end.

The Core consists of:

Me (Resident Smart-Ass, Newly appointed Voice of Reason [I quit drinking a while back])

Sam (My Dad, the Idea Guy, usually outsmarts himself)

Bob (The Expert, The Boat Guide, King Fisherman, and Most Likely to Throw Up after Drinking)

George (The Worker, The Partier, Best Laugher, and Most Likely to Fall in the River)

Steve (aka "Watt-Man". The New Guy. Only been going for about 5 years. Comic relief specialist, though rarely on purpose)

There is always one night (sometimes more) when George, Bob and Steve get really really drunk. This year it was the first night, and the first night provides the title for this entry. This was the exchange between Bob and George after some 7 bottles of wine had been consumed:

George: "Knock knock."
Bob: "Who's there?"
George: "John."
Bob : "John who?"
George: "John the Baptist!!!"

At this point, George throws all the red wine in his glass at Bob, "baptising" him, which also gives him an instant tie-dye shirt.

Bob, never to be outdone, replies with "Well this is from John's brother, Cecil!!", and then throws his glass of wine at George.

Both men had horrendous, well deserved hangovers the next day.

More to come...it was a long trip!

I Hate the Phone Company

2004-09-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

My cell phone is one of those where you pre-pay for your minutes. I don't use it very much, so this has been a more cost effective means of having this neccessary evil. I have been with Tracfone for over a year now and it ends up costing me about $10 a month. Recently the antenna broke, so I ordered a new phone. Not bad so far, now comes the gripe.

I get the phone in the mail and charge it up like a good Lil Timmy. Since I am impatient and don't want the hassle I know will ensue if I call The Phone Company, I forego trying to transfer my old number and let the almighty SYSTEM assign me a new one for the new phone. Still not bad, gripe still forthcoming.

My new phone number is a long distance call from my home phone!! WTF?? When you activate the phone they even ask you your zip code!! I thought maybe this could just be some weird Canby thing (they have their own phone company), so I had my sister in Portland call me to test this. Nope, its a long distance call for her too. BTW- this is the beginning of the gripe..

Well, this is unacceptable.

So Saturday I got a couple sodas and some snacks to prepare for my "Customer Service" call to The Phone Company. I was put through to a very nice, very heavily accented woman named Amy who was very good at reading the script that The Phone Company provides her. Since my current number was unacceptable I thought I'd try to get my old number switched over to the new phone. She was able to transfer the leftover minutes, but not the number. Then she assigns me a new number and says that will solve the problem. Great! Except of course, the new number has the same prefix as the last new number, so it is still long distance. So now not only is my old new number long distance, it no longer is attached to my phone. Good thing I sent out that email letting all the important people know about the number, eh?

Now it is Monday. I call The Phone Company back and explain that I still need a number that IS NOT long distance from the Portland/Metro area (this would be my new new new number, for those keeping track). We tried Canby, Milwaukie, and Portland zip codes, the SYSTEM kept spitting out the same 881 prefix. Today I am talking to Tanya, and she tells me that there are other prefixes available, but she has no control over what the SYSTEM assigns. Now I have to wait at least another day, or until the SYSTEM runs out of 881 phone numbers and goes on to another prefix, which may or may not be local to the Portland area. So in the meantime, Tanya was kind enough to assign me a temporary new new new number until this happens.

So call me, 'kay?

If the Revolution is not going to be televised, can someone please tell me why this crap is?

2004-09-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

This deals pretty much with advertisements only:

- I'm not looking this one up, but it sounds like "SeeAlice": First we had Bob Dole pitching Viagra, and that was bad enough. Now we have this stupid woman bragging about "her guy" and SeeAlice. "For my guy, it's about the 'quality' of the experience." Really?? I'm thinkin' he's just glad he can even have an "experience". men who experience an erection for more than 4 hours (priapism) should seek immediate medical attention. Really...

- Going hand-in hand with this (yes, pun) are all of the "male enhancement" drugs being pitched these days. The one that gets me the most is the guy in the deli holding the salami and letting us know that size does matter. That being the case, shouldn't he be making more salami instead of slicing the one he has down?

- Perscription medications. Remember the days when you went to the doctor, told them what was wrong, then they told you what you should take? Once they get done telling you ALL of the potential side effects, do you find yourself wanting to run to the doctor and demand he write you some script, or do you just sit there thinking "hmm...anal leakage..that don't sound so good."

- Feminine hygeine products. Can't forget the ladies! Do y'all really sit around in groups discussing "April Freshness" , wings/no wings, or (ahem) "dryness"? I figure, if you need em, you pretty much know where to get them, or you ask your mom.

This list could be endless... Which ones gripe you?

Sometimes Forbidden Love is the Sweetest of All

2004-09-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Quit Complaining About Your Job

2004-09-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

You could be this guy:

Bad Job

Eggs

2004-09-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

"Careful... CAREFUL!!! Put in a little more butter! OH MY GOD!!! Your cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them..TURN THEM NOW!! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL!! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?!? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

New Day, New Blog

2004-09-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

Can't update the old one anymore, time to start anew...

Boring, rainy day. Only thing I have right now is a little "sucks rocks":

Sucks-

Headaches. If no brains=no headaches, then I gotta be the smartest person on the planet.

Rocks-

Firefox! Worth it just for the tabbed browsing, the extensions just make it that much better!