You Should Give Us Good Presents
This is to you, the younger siblings of the world, from us, the eldest siblings.
We deserve good gifts.
You may not want to acknowledge this, you may not even realize it, but without us your life would have been soooooo much more difficult as you grew up.
In the world of parenting, we are the ones our parents practiced on so they would get it right by the time they got you. With us, anytime something happened in our young lives the typical response from our parents was "Shit! What do we do?? What does Dr. Spock say?". If the answer wasn't in Dr. Spock's book and the grandparents weren't around, then they had to wing it. We are the world's experimental children.
We were the first to lie, the first to say no, the first to go to the principal's office, the first to swear in front of them, the first to stay out past curfew, the first to come home tipsy (ok, hammered), and the first to dent the car. We broke (and in some cases shattered) all the barriers so that when it came time for your pathetic attempts at rebellion you didn't get punished nearly as hard.
Yes, they took more pictures of us than they did of you. Ultimately all that means is that there are more embarrassing pictures of us floating around out there, waiting to bite us on the butt.
Yeah, yeah, we picked on you too.. Get over it. That is what we were supposed to do! We also made sure that we were the only ones that got to to that. If someone at school tried that same shit on you we took care of them.
You got hand-me-downs. Now imagine all the dorky crap Mom tried to get for you being all you had to choose from.
Now think about this: If it hadn't been for us, you would BE US!
editor's note- this was to be much longer, but I have been asked to stop being sofa king stupid and update my damn blog. So here you go. (Craftsman tools are always appreciated for gifts, even if K Mart sells them now)
and thanks to Denise for the inspiration for this little tirade!
posted by tim @ 11:17 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
...not to mention the fact that you always got to do stuff way before we did. If we had to wait until we were twelve to get something, or do something - next thing we knew, there you were at 10, getting to do the same thing.
And why was that? Because we blazed the trail, that's why...
This, of course, reinforces the fact that all 'oldest' children are complete and utter narcissists...
The Youngest Child
Denise
And So It Goes
Oh, Boo f'n Hoo.
You were the ones who were spoiled and picked up the minute you made a scrunchy face and even looked like you were going to cry because the folks were still afraid of you. By the time we came along, they were fine with just letting us howl. You were the ones who were allowed to eat cereal for dinner because mom wasn't as practiced at making meat-and-two-veggie-dinners. You were the ones who ruined our attempts at sneakiness because by the time we tried it, the parents already knew that trick. You were the ones whose burdensome secrets we had to keep lest you give us the silent treatment until the end of time.
I could go on, trust me.
The youngest and the only girl,
Lynn
Rhetorical Frippery
You're not even going to get a Christmas card if you don't update this thing.
Denise
And So It Goes
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