Deschutes Trip Redux, or Most Expensive Vacation EVER

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

This is the sound coming from the engine compartment of the van. Quiet, unobtrusive. Might be a little low on oil. We'll check it once we get over to Maupin, before we head down the 17 miles of Hell known as the Deschutes River access road.

It's about 2:30 in the afternoon on Friday. The van is fully loaded, as is the boat that the van is towing. Sammy and I are in charge of the bulk of the food for the trip. Remember the entry about the concrete ice cooler? Yep, it's in the boat, full of block ice. We are just outside Sandy. Usual father/son banter has been going on, as well as a little bitching about traffic and plans for the upcoming week.

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

The sound coming from the engine is definitely a bit louder. Probably due to the load and the fact that we are now going uphill. Haven't quite reached Government Camp yet. Radio still coming in ok so we haven't switched over to the CD's yet.

TICK TICK TICK CLACK TICK CLACK TICK CLACK CLACK CLANK

Okay...now that's fucked up, right there.. Past Government Camp now, heading up towards the summit. The van will not go faster than 25 mph. Tim is worried, starts a diagnosis as to what might be the problem with the engine. Tim thinks the engine is toast but hesitates to vocalize this to Sam. Sam is utterly silent.

Tim: "It sounds pretty bad, Dad.. But I think if it were really bad, like a thrown rod or something, it wouldn't even be running.."

Sam: "Yeah."

Sam: "We'll stop at that Pine Grove/Pine Hollow/Oak Hollow/Whatever the Hell that town is called where the road flattens out. See if there's a mechanic there."

Tim: "Okay."

Sam: "Shit."

We stop in Pine Grove at the store (the only one) and ask if there is a mechanic in town. The van is still running because we are afraid to shut it off. There are no mechanics in Pine Grove.

Sam: "Maybe we should head back to Government Camp and call somebody."

Tim: "Yeah...But that means we have to drive back up that mountain we just came over, and I don't think that's gonna happen."

Sam: "Shit. GawdDAMMIT! Ok, Maupin or bust it is!"

CLANK CLANK CLANK CLUNK CLANK CLANK CLANK

The sounds coming from the engine aren't just loud anymore, they are hammer-on-anvil-in-empty-warehouse loud. The inside of the van is completely quiet. No radio, no CD's, no talking of any kind. Tim thinks we may be spending the night in the van. Tim knows that Sam snores loud enough to wake himself up. Tim does not think he will be sleeping tonight.

Miraculously, we make it to Maupin. At 5:00 p.m. on a Friday. We stop at the first garage we come to, which is closed. Thankfully, the owner is still there and agrees to take a listen. Sam starts the van for him.

Old Garage Guy: "Jesus-Fuckin'-CHRIST SHUT THAT THING DOWN!!!"

Old Garage guy: " You came from Portland?"

Tim: "Well, Canby..Yeah. We stopped at Hollow Pine Oak but there weren't any mechanics there."

Old Garage Guy: "Un-Fuckin'-believable. Thrown a rod for sure. You fellas are damn lucky to have made it here. I can take you over to the Oasis, but that thing is gonna have to go to The Dalles. I can't fix it here."



Next, Redux Part II, The Oasis...